Bromir, the half Orc of Ilmayter. God of Forgiveness
Jan 5, 2016 8:40:12 GMT
comeradeluxemburg, Ahriman999, and 1 more like this
Post by levodicus on Jan 5, 2016 8:40:12 GMT
This is my Character for my upcoming Campaign in 13th Age. its mostly like DnD, except more RP and fast combat. My first time to DM, and unfortunately have to be a player too. the differentiation of DM & Player.
THATS NOT WHAT IM AFTER. Im after writing critics. i suck at writing essays, and... well... writing in general. so lets me honest. please. i'd appreciate it.
Rough Draft Start:
“Fen-Jah... When I was born, the world was a wilder place. The age was still young. I was in a tribe of Human barbarians and Half-Orcs. Unfortunately, the tribe was always having hardships, and it was a tough place to learn how to live. Only survive. When I was a child, I learned how to fight with small animals for food, or make them food.”
Bromir, the Half-Orc, take a long draft from his water-skin. Fen-Jah, the young Dark Elf, listened with her full attention. Of course with Elves, it’s truly impossible to tell how old one is. Bromir has raised her since childhood.
“When I was about… eight, I had made up a friend. He called himself many things. He loved being called Forgiveness, or Helper. Forgiveness was my friend who taught me how to be a special person for my tribe. He taught me how to help feed the other children, how to make friends, and how to heal. Not like a doctor or a surgeon… like a faithful… like I am now. It turned out that Forgiveness was really a God. Ilmayter: the God of liberation, of sacrifice, of forgiveness. He loved his children. He wanted me to embrace him and make more of my tribe understand and listen to his words.”
Bromir turns his head towards the occupied table. He slowly measures up the Dwarf on the table, takes his massive hands and places them both over the Dwarfs’ stomach where the arrow had pierced. A yellow light slowly emitted from the Half-Orcs’ hands. Suddenly, a white light, hot, blazed from his hands as the arrowhead popped out of the dwarf, and the wound healing rapidly.
“I showed my tribe how to do that. That with Ilmayters’ words would grant them peace and love. The tribe accepted and followed me to where ilmayters’ temple was. Shambles. We rebuilt the temple to its’ near-former glory.”
The Dwarf blinked. He sits up slowly and groans loudly. He lays back down and whispers: “Thank you, Father Bromir.”Bromir strokes his head and walks away.
“My tribe then broke up into small missions to spread the word of Ilmayter. Refusing to let me leave and join them. I obeyed. They all died.”
Fen-Jah looks surprised at the tribes’ demise. “How could mighty warriors parish so easily?”
“Ilmayter is just one of three major gods of good. They are always at battle for the lands. But since Ilmayter has been struck down to low, and his followers are so little, his power is truly diminished. The Broken God is now only an Avatar of what he used to be. A shadow. That’s why I must leave, my Daughter.”
The Dwarf, called Brother Daggen, looked over in severity. “Fen-Jah is safe with me. She has your powers, and I still have my hammer.”
Bromir looks over, then turns away from both of them, smiling proudly to himself. He quickly wipes a tear from his eye, and back at Fen-Jah.
“So you have. I am proud. So proud. That’s why I give you this before I go…”
Bromir takes a necklace from his pouch and drapes it over the small Dark Elf. The bone pendant is a True Magic item. A soul is encased inside of it, and it takes to Fen-Jah.
“My name is “The Amulet of the Fallen God.” Call me Grekka. Master has told me you are to become my holder. This is good.”
Confused, looking around the room for the noise, Fen-Jah does not understand. “Where is Grekka, Father?”
“she is on your chest, daughter. She is the Amulet.”
Grekka: “Yes! Let me tell you, Father has used me many times to help with his works. I am used for persuading people that what you say is right, as long as it is about the goodness of Ilmayter. I may not be able to convert… but I might be able to change some peoples’ hearts for the better, but only if youre confident in doing so.”
Fen-Jah stares at Grekka, then her Father. “This is… for me? For our work? To make us better?”
“It will be to help you convince the nearby village that we are worth looking to for guidance again.”
Brother Daggen “Father… I will do my best”
“Ah, Daggen… I didn’t forget you. This is from my collection.”
Bromir lifts a large Warhammer, the spikes on the back are entirely silver, the main metal is a green-tarnished metal.
“Pick it up and say ‘I am Brother Daggen. I request your aid in my strifes.’ It should wake him up.”
Daggen, feeling like a child, sits up and stands. Grabbing the Hammer and lifting it up in the air.
“I am Brother Daggen! Ilmayters’ Hammer! I request your aid in my struggles!”
The magic Hammer laughs at Daggen, inside his mind. “Close enough, Dwarf. Hello. I am the Warhammer of Holy Poison. Call me Fury.”
Furys’ green tarnish vanishes after seconds, it reveals a copper hammer with a beautiful merging of silver and steel as the handle protrudes from the hammers’ base. Fury slowly begins to glow.
Brother Daggen: you are a marvel…
Fury: Thank you. You’re strong. Lets’ make havoc for the undead bastards soon.
Bromir: “ The Quirk of Grekka is you will talk too much Fen-Jah. You should be able to control her though. Daggen, Fury will make it impossible to avoid killing most undead. But he knows when a fight is too much, he wont allow you to die.”
Now, lets rest. The Undead are taken care of for tonight. Ilmayters’ Wards will hold until the last of them are killed. We’ll get more of them tomorrow night. I will leave before the month is up. Most of the monsters’ should be done suffering by then…”
Fen-Jah and Brother Daggen, go to bed in their bunks, Fen-Jah giggling and chatting to Grekka, and Daggen, taking Fury to bed with him. Bromir looks out the doors of his Temple, seeing one undead, outside the warded Temple.
He picks up his rusted, blood encrusted Warhammer, and charges out the door, moving silently until the huge crash of the hammer meets the skull of the Ghoul…
Day 12
Fen-Jah, ive traveled from our sanctuary to Proudfort. It’s a ruined fortress from a previous Age. It was overtaken by fish-men long ago, and abandoned. The souls of the former soldiers here were not at rest, and rose up again as skeletons. My hammer put them to rest. I was hit by a black legionnaire. That is a Lich-minion used to cause trouble and command the rest. He was the only one to get so lucky. Even he was laid to rest. The fort is a good place to be rebuilt once we can afford it. Having a fort like that could do our clergy well. It will be someplace where we can grow, and even protect people. I’ll be moving soon, to New Port. Hopefully this message will reach you without too much problem. This Courier has been converted and he was actually helpful in this fight. He was taught how to use a crossbow, and is able to heal using Ilmayters’ forgiveness. Darvin is his name. His passcode is Shark Tooth, being as this is near Shark Tooth Bay.
Day 35
New Port is… strange. Ive stumbled upon several evil-doers, who helped The Three, those dragons who are very aggressive. Found a few of those… shadowy men… attacking a young guard. Darvin shot one, I clubbed the other, the guard – coward—ran away from the fight screaming. Darvin was stabbed badly. But I managed to keep him alive. Hes’ going back to the sanctuary after the Alchemist sees to him. The cowardly guard came back with a group of 8 more, and they quickly moved the bodies and my young disciple. I was given permission to preach in the city for my heroics. I chose a place of great discomfort, the “Haven.” Several wanted to listen to my words. I am not charismatic, but maybe Ilmayter was helping me that day. I managed to convert seven or so men to our cause. I have taught them some herbal medicines to help their sick. I told them to never take advantage of what I taught them. One even decided to follow in my group. His name is Jagg Daggan. He is an odd fellow; teifling. He often talks to Ilmayter like I have before. His face is always contorted with pain and grief. The sadness he must have felt… now only to be forgiven, and accepted at a leader of the perish. He will do well. Maybe one day he will fully become a cleric. Darvin will be back. His code word is Creel. The island near New Port. He also carries 25 GP for my services here. He kept his to buy Bolts and some supplies for the long journey.
Day 52
I miss home, Fen-Jah. I travel on because I must spread Ilmayters’ word. I do love New Ports’ Haven… the people are coming around. Jagg had successfully given a small sermon to the children while I was leaving. Seven little ones huddled around, ragged clothes, smiling faces, listening to the Demon-Touched preach about Ilmayters’ forgiveness -- even for the Mistress of Pain – his mortal enemy. I travel for Vigil, a fort that hasn’t seen major conflict in years. Maybe I will be able to visit without much consequence. I send Darvin home. He carries another 50 silvers. He is staying with you now. He has proven his worth and will be a great asset to you. His history as a Ranger will be more than useful in the days to come.
Day 79
*This page was wet, and had a torn off half, with writing on the back*
Fen-Jah. Vigil is under minor attack by Sahguian. Those fishmen. We have been fighting them off for over a week. I am glad I came when I did. A combat medic is more than useful here, especially during combat. My name is now known here: Priest of the Bloodied God. The youngest guardsman has become a Paladin under my guidance – in a way. He has learned how to use Ilmayters’ Will to Smite Evil and he has learned basic Healing, as well as Bastion of Hope. He is fearless, knowing a lot will now ride on his shoulders. His Captain has allowed me to commandeer a convert. His name is Kailmoth. Human. He is an odd fellow. A failed Alchemist. He uses Dwarven Dragon-Fire pistols. He isn’t strong, but he is almost unbelievably intelligent. He is going to be leaving to deliver this message. I ask for some gold to bring back to Vigil. I will be here still. Until Kailmoth comes back. The Fort will need me
-ripped in half, continued on the back-
as I march onto the sea and kill as many of them as I can. I will be safe, I assure you. I will try to keep myself, and the others alive for as long as I can. The Emperor will be sending aid as soon as he can. My men are holding strong. If only we could do more.
Kailmoths’ passcode is The Vigilant by the Sea.
THATS NOT WHAT IM AFTER. Im after writing critics. i suck at writing essays, and... well... writing in general. so lets me honest. please. i'd appreciate it.
Rough Draft Start:
“Fen-Jah... When I was born, the world was a wilder place. The age was still young. I was in a tribe of Human barbarians and Half-Orcs. Unfortunately, the tribe was always having hardships, and it was a tough place to learn how to live. Only survive. When I was a child, I learned how to fight with small animals for food, or make them food.”
Bromir, the Half-Orc, take a long draft from his water-skin. Fen-Jah, the young Dark Elf, listened with her full attention. Of course with Elves, it’s truly impossible to tell how old one is. Bromir has raised her since childhood.
“When I was about… eight, I had made up a friend. He called himself many things. He loved being called Forgiveness, or Helper. Forgiveness was my friend who taught me how to be a special person for my tribe. He taught me how to help feed the other children, how to make friends, and how to heal. Not like a doctor or a surgeon… like a faithful… like I am now. It turned out that Forgiveness was really a God. Ilmayter: the God of liberation, of sacrifice, of forgiveness. He loved his children. He wanted me to embrace him and make more of my tribe understand and listen to his words.”
Bromir turns his head towards the occupied table. He slowly measures up the Dwarf on the table, takes his massive hands and places them both over the Dwarfs’ stomach where the arrow had pierced. A yellow light slowly emitted from the Half-Orcs’ hands. Suddenly, a white light, hot, blazed from his hands as the arrowhead popped out of the dwarf, and the wound healing rapidly.
“I showed my tribe how to do that. That with Ilmayters’ words would grant them peace and love. The tribe accepted and followed me to where ilmayters’ temple was. Shambles. We rebuilt the temple to its’ near-former glory.”
The Dwarf blinked. He sits up slowly and groans loudly. He lays back down and whispers: “Thank you, Father Bromir.”Bromir strokes his head and walks away.
“My tribe then broke up into small missions to spread the word of Ilmayter. Refusing to let me leave and join them. I obeyed. They all died.”
Fen-Jah looks surprised at the tribes’ demise. “How could mighty warriors parish so easily?”
“Ilmayter is just one of three major gods of good. They are always at battle for the lands. But since Ilmayter has been struck down to low, and his followers are so little, his power is truly diminished. The Broken God is now only an Avatar of what he used to be. A shadow. That’s why I must leave, my Daughter.”
The Dwarf, called Brother Daggen, looked over in severity. “Fen-Jah is safe with me. She has your powers, and I still have my hammer.”
Bromir looks over, then turns away from both of them, smiling proudly to himself. He quickly wipes a tear from his eye, and back at Fen-Jah.
“So you have. I am proud. So proud. That’s why I give you this before I go…”
Bromir takes a necklace from his pouch and drapes it over the small Dark Elf. The bone pendant is a True Magic item. A soul is encased inside of it, and it takes to Fen-Jah.
“My name is “The Amulet of the Fallen God.” Call me Grekka. Master has told me you are to become my holder. This is good.”
Confused, looking around the room for the noise, Fen-Jah does not understand. “Where is Grekka, Father?”
“she is on your chest, daughter. She is the Amulet.”
Grekka: “Yes! Let me tell you, Father has used me many times to help with his works. I am used for persuading people that what you say is right, as long as it is about the goodness of Ilmayter. I may not be able to convert… but I might be able to change some peoples’ hearts for the better, but only if youre confident in doing so.”
Fen-Jah stares at Grekka, then her Father. “This is… for me? For our work? To make us better?”
“It will be to help you convince the nearby village that we are worth looking to for guidance again.”
Brother Daggen “Father… I will do my best”
“Ah, Daggen… I didn’t forget you. This is from my collection.”
Bromir lifts a large Warhammer, the spikes on the back are entirely silver, the main metal is a green-tarnished metal.
“Pick it up and say ‘I am Brother Daggen. I request your aid in my strifes.’ It should wake him up.”
Daggen, feeling like a child, sits up and stands. Grabbing the Hammer and lifting it up in the air.
“I am Brother Daggen! Ilmayters’ Hammer! I request your aid in my struggles!”
The magic Hammer laughs at Daggen, inside his mind. “Close enough, Dwarf. Hello. I am the Warhammer of Holy Poison. Call me Fury.”
Furys’ green tarnish vanishes after seconds, it reveals a copper hammer with a beautiful merging of silver and steel as the handle protrudes from the hammers’ base. Fury slowly begins to glow.
Brother Daggen: you are a marvel…
Fury: Thank you. You’re strong. Lets’ make havoc for the undead bastards soon.
Bromir: “ The Quirk of Grekka is you will talk too much Fen-Jah. You should be able to control her though. Daggen, Fury will make it impossible to avoid killing most undead. But he knows when a fight is too much, he wont allow you to die.”
Now, lets rest. The Undead are taken care of for tonight. Ilmayters’ Wards will hold until the last of them are killed. We’ll get more of them tomorrow night. I will leave before the month is up. Most of the monsters’ should be done suffering by then…”
Fen-Jah and Brother Daggen, go to bed in their bunks, Fen-Jah giggling and chatting to Grekka, and Daggen, taking Fury to bed with him. Bromir looks out the doors of his Temple, seeing one undead, outside the warded Temple.
He picks up his rusted, blood encrusted Warhammer, and charges out the door, moving silently until the huge crash of the hammer meets the skull of the Ghoul…
Day 12
Fen-Jah, ive traveled from our sanctuary to Proudfort. It’s a ruined fortress from a previous Age. It was overtaken by fish-men long ago, and abandoned. The souls of the former soldiers here were not at rest, and rose up again as skeletons. My hammer put them to rest. I was hit by a black legionnaire. That is a Lich-minion used to cause trouble and command the rest. He was the only one to get so lucky. Even he was laid to rest. The fort is a good place to be rebuilt once we can afford it. Having a fort like that could do our clergy well. It will be someplace where we can grow, and even protect people. I’ll be moving soon, to New Port. Hopefully this message will reach you without too much problem. This Courier has been converted and he was actually helpful in this fight. He was taught how to use a crossbow, and is able to heal using Ilmayters’ forgiveness. Darvin is his name. His passcode is Shark Tooth, being as this is near Shark Tooth Bay.
Day 35
New Port is… strange. Ive stumbled upon several evil-doers, who helped The Three, those dragons who are very aggressive. Found a few of those… shadowy men… attacking a young guard. Darvin shot one, I clubbed the other, the guard – coward—ran away from the fight screaming. Darvin was stabbed badly. But I managed to keep him alive. Hes’ going back to the sanctuary after the Alchemist sees to him. The cowardly guard came back with a group of 8 more, and they quickly moved the bodies and my young disciple. I was given permission to preach in the city for my heroics. I chose a place of great discomfort, the “Haven.” Several wanted to listen to my words. I am not charismatic, but maybe Ilmayter was helping me that day. I managed to convert seven or so men to our cause. I have taught them some herbal medicines to help their sick. I told them to never take advantage of what I taught them. One even decided to follow in my group. His name is Jagg Daggan. He is an odd fellow; teifling. He often talks to Ilmayter like I have before. His face is always contorted with pain and grief. The sadness he must have felt… now only to be forgiven, and accepted at a leader of the perish. He will do well. Maybe one day he will fully become a cleric. Darvin will be back. His code word is Creel. The island near New Port. He also carries 25 GP for my services here. He kept his to buy Bolts and some supplies for the long journey.
Day 52
I miss home, Fen-Jah. I travel on because I must spread Ilmayters’ word. I do love New Ports’ Haven… the people are coming around. Jagg had successfully given a small sermon to the children while I was leaving. Seven little ones huddled around, ragged clothes, smiling faces, listening to the Demon-Touched preach about Ilmayters’ forgiveness -- even for the Mistress of Pain – his mortal enemy. I travel for Vigil, a fort that hasn’t seen major conflict in years. Maybe I will be able to visit without much consequence. I send Darvin home. He carries another 50 silvers. He is staying with you now. He has proven his worth and will be a great asset to you. His history as a Ranger will be more than useful in the days to come.
Day 79
*This page was wet, and had a torn off half, with writing on the back*
Fen-Jah. Vigil is under minor attack by Sahguian. Those fishmen. We have been fighting them off for over a week. I am glad I came when I did. A combat medic is more than useful here, especially during combat. My name is now known here: Priest of the Bloodied God. The youngest guardsman has become a Paladin under my guidance – in a way. He has learned how to use Ilmayters’ Will to Smite Evil and he has learned basic Healing, as well as Bastion of Hope. He is fearless, knowing a lot will now ride on his shoulders. His Captain has allowed me to commandeer a convert. His name is Kailmoth. Human. He is an odd fellow. A failed Alchemist. He uses Dwarven Dragon-Fire pistols. He isn’t strong, but he is almost unbelievably intelligent. He is going to be leaving to deliver this message. I ask for some gold to bring back to Vigil. I will be here still. Until Kailmoth comes back. The Fort will need me
-ripped in half, continued on the back-
as I march onto the sea and kill as many of them as I can. I will be safe, I assure you. I will try to keep myself, and the others alive for as long as I can. The Emperor will be sending aid as soon as he can. My men are holding strong. If only we could do more.
Kailmoths’ passcode is The Vigilant by the Sea.